Is It True?

Markie left last Sunday, March 2nd. Missing him a lot right now. Sometimes when I looked back, I just couldn't believe we came so far. I used to believe there's supposed to be someone for you in some place in this world, maybe in China, maybe in Africa, maybe in Swden. It depends on how lucky you are. Someone might never meet that person during the whole life, someone meet the right one at a wrong time, someone might not believe that at all. How lucky I am? I met my one and my first one when I was 20, it really saved a lot of my life time. You know sometimes you just couldn't help to screw up with some boys or girls you didn't really love, you could tell too, but it just happened all the time. If I didn't meet Mark, god would know what crazy things i could do in Wuhan. For the first year I stayed in that city, I was wasted. For the second year, I did some silly things with some fucked up boys, i don't think i can think of their faces any more, just wish i didn't meet them at all. Oh, well.

Now I'm here, which is not what I want at all. It's so cold in Canada, I always hate winter. I used to know what I want Until I was finished high school, I really lost myself since I went to the university. Maybe not that serious, but without knowing what you want is really sad and hopeless. It changed when i met him. I knew what i want again, and that feeling was so true and good. Sometimes I really adore him, I didn't know someone could be so sure about something and try his best to make it work. Honestly, before I came here, I knew we were gonna be with each other no matter what, but I was still impressed by how strong his love was. He changed me somehow, in a good way. Maybe coming to Canada is a good thing, I started to know more clearly what I really want without worring about anything else. I used to worry about my school most, I haven't graduated yet. I could quit school, but what I can do in the future? It really terrified me to think about it. Now I'm not worried any more, he makes me believe we'll find a way to work things out anyway , as long as we're together. Even if the sky falls down to the earth, taller Mark can use his left arm to push it back and i'll be under his right arm.

Is it too good to be true? Sometimes I like to ask myself this question, I always couldn't solve it but Mark. Why this world is so gentle to me now? I think it's making up to me for my childhood, I always couldn't be with people that I love for long. To make a living, my parents left me when I was 6-month old. My grandma brought me up since then. Every time when my parents left home again, I would chase their boat until i couldn't see it, my poor grandma had to run after me every time too. I loved the time with my mom's mom though, however, she left me soon for Shanghai. I started to take care of myself and my sister since I was 9. I wrote a lot of diaries before, too bad I can't find them any more. It's really difficult to try to remember those days and those things. One thing that I can remeber was that my sister waited for me to finish my school and go back home with me together, she was standing outside the grade school gate, I can't remember why I didn't go together with her, wish I did. She was so little and waited for me for so long, that was the worst thing i had ever done to her. I feel regretful for it all the time, thinking of it or bringing it up always makes me cry. Gotta stop thinking about that now. Anyways, I guess I had beed through a lot when I was a kid, now this world gives me Mark to make up for it, hehe.

By the way, I think he spoiled me too much. No one has ever beed that nice to me before, of course except my mom and dad. But what he does is always different to me, I kinda become a difficult girl, "Gotta be a nice June, June." I'll do my best next time when he comes, my sweetie.